No truer do those words ring true than when you are faced with a months long “funk” as I like to call it. I have been in a funk for more than a few months, I was unhappy in my old job, so decided that I wanted to get a new job, that turned out to be even worse that the old one. I am working on getting through it, but man has it been TOUGH! And now that I am on the other side of it, I wanted to take a minute to reflect back on some of the things I’ve learned.
I am an Ambivert
For those that don’t know what that is, I flip flop from being extroverted to introverted. You probably know a lot of people like this. They are the ones that are all about going out and having fun, and then once they get out all they want to do is go back home and curl up on the couch. Or they hole them selves up for a few weeks or months, and then all of a sudden come of out their cave ready to party and have a good time. Its extremely hard to be an ambivert, people don’t understand how you can be the life the party one day, and the wallflower the next. It makes it especially difficult to make and maintain relationships. Your extroverted friends can’t understand when you need to be home recharging and your introverted friends can’t understand when you are out and about with such ease. I need to be better about recognizing when I need to recharge, so that I can present the best version of myself.
I have a Servants Heart
I am a giver by nature. I love to feel needed and wanted. I want to be relied on. Until I take on too much get overwhelmed and shut down. Healthy right? I think not. One of the reasons I got into a funk is that I was giving so much of myself away, and not taking the proper precautions to not lose myself in the process. When you are giver, naturally you are going to attract takers. In order to be a giver you need to establish boundaries early so that you don’t feel taken advantage of or “used” so to say. I also let the “selfish” demon into my head. I am a much happier person when I am helping others, but if those gestures go unnoticed or unappreciated, I stop doing them. Now I am unhappy because I feel unappreciated AND I’m not doing the things that make me happy (giving of myself).
My Love Language is Words of Affirmation
I took interpersonal communication classes in college. Hell I even minored in it! One of the many researchers we discussed was Gary Chapman author of the 5 Love languages. In his book, he talks about how each person tends to give and receive love in 5 main ways:
- words of affirmation
- quality time
- acts of service
- physical touch
There is also a website, here, which gives you a quick quiz to help you determine what your love language is. Not surprising, I got words of affirmation, followed closely by quality time. So I feel loved when someone TELLS ME what they think and feel about me. I love you is a start, but it goes deeper than that. I need to know why you love me. and being rude, crass or disrespectful? Well those can be fatal blows. Its not about filling hours or days with deep conversation. It’s about the content of what you say and how you say it. For words of affirmation to have an impact, they need time, thought, and love put into them. IE saying “love you” as you are walking out the door every morning is not going to have as much of a impact as if you were to leave a little note in their car, or on the counter letting them know that you are thinking of them. For someone who has Words of Affirmation as their love language, WORDS REALLY DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN ACTIONS.
If you are like me and your love language is Words of Affirmation, check this blog post out for ideas on what you might need to feel loved:
Being Happy is Choice
More than that, its a choice that you have to make, EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Over these past few months, I wallowed in my self-pity. I had a lot of negative self-talk going on. ‘I’m not loved” ‘I’m unhappy because… (insert any external force here)” “I can’t pull my self out”. “If this changed then I would be happy”. These were all FALSE. The only way to have a happy a life if to CHOOSE to be Happy and that starts with ignoring the negative self talk. I am still learning and growing, and some days I find it easy to make the choice of being happy than others. But I’m still here, and I’m still trying.
PS. I have a online book club for adult who love YA books. Its makes me happy! if Reading makes you happy then come and join us! BOOKCLUB